Updated 2008 Christmas Eve Scouting Report on Santa

Last year, Drive and Dish published a detailed scouting report on Santa for Christmas Eve. The scouting report gave a brief historical background on both Santa Claus, and several national and cultural traditions that are based on the life of Saint Nicholas. It then commenced by providing a semi-thorough scouting report of Santa Claus' strengths, weaknesses and tendencies as a basketball player.

Although the post went largely unnoticed at the time of its publishing, it has generated a fair amount of web traffic over the last few weeks. The post's history of Santa Claus and the various St. Nicholas-based traditions has attracted some interest, but nearly 70 percent of the web surfers who've clicked on the post have done so after they conducted an image search and found the following picture of Santa Claus dunking a basketball:


Since so many people have found Drive and Dish's 2007 scouting report on Santa, we thought we would be well advised to provide an updated scouting report on Santa for Christmas Eve 2008.

For the history of Santa Claus go here and here. For Santa's Wikipedia page go here. For the history of Saint Nicholas go here and here. For St. Nicholas' Wikipedia page go here. To read about Saint Nicholas and the evolution of Santa Claus, go here and here.

Scouting Report on Santa for Christmas Eve 2008:

As for our updated scouting report, little has changed in the last year, at least in terms of Santa's strengths. Santa is still old and fat, but he hasn't lost his amazing, near other-worldly powers. And despite his advanced age and rotund physique, Santa still has the ability to defy gravity -- albeit with the assistance of his reindeer and sleigh. Still, even Michael Jordan in his prime didn't quite have the kind of hang time that Santa does. Santa's ability to soar through the air is unparalleled. And Santa is still as quick as a flash. Who else can traverse the entire globe over the course of a single night? Sure, it's true that Santa doesn't have to make stops in Saudi Arabia, North Korea, or Iran (he's not allowed in those countries anyway), but he goes just about everywhere else! Even Allen Iverson and Derrick Rose can't cover that kind of ground in such a short amount of time.

And Santa gets the better of Iverson and Derrick Rose on another front: Iverson and Rose may both be amazingly adept at identifying and attacking open seams in defenses, but nobody can fit his body through tighter seams and openings than Santa Claus. After all, the jolly old guy with the belly that jiggles when he laughs (like a bowl full of jelly) is able to sneak into peoples' homes and dish out presents by hurling his portly self, along with his bag full of presents, down their chimneys. Talk about threading the needle!

And since we're on the subject of Santa's amazing ability to dish out of presents, Drive and Dish has to hand it to the big guy: he is, without a doubt, the greatest distributor in the history of the game. Jason Kidd, Steve Nash, Deron Williams and Chris Paul drop some crazy dimes, but they've got nothing on Santa Claus' ability to drive (his reindeer and sleigh) and dish (presents)! And considering Santa's propensity to quickly fly back up the chimney and take off in his sleigh after he's placed presents under the Christmas tree, we've got to consider him the greatest practitioner of "give and go" who ever lived . . . even better than John Stockton!

However, the global economic meltdown may have hurt Santa's game in ways that his advanced age, excessive body weight, and poor training/dietary habits (does Santa really have to chow down on milk and cookies at every house he visits?) have not. As such, Santa may not be capable of producing the kind of output on Christmas Eve 2008 that the world has come to expect from him. Make no mistake: Santa has been remarkably consistent over the years. And if anything, his production has actually increased as time has worn on -- especially in the economic boom years of the 1980's, 1990's and early/mid 2000's. But just as even the best basketball players are susceptible to having the occasional rough outing (although, in his prime, Jordan never really had one), Santa is bound to have an off night once every decade or so. And though Santa is still quite impressive, even on his off nights, it must be noted that he is capable of being knocked slightly off his game -- particularly during economic downturns and recessions. Remember, the Depression era 1930's were a pretty rough decade for Santa, at least by his standards. Santa was still great in the 30's (and his appeal as a corporate product endorser was as great as ever -- he was a "can't miss" pitchman long before Michael Jordan's name graced the first pair of Air Jordans), but there's no question that his production dropped off. And in the early 1940's, the difficulties presented by World War II prolonged Santa's era of diminished stats. It wasn't until America's economy rebounded at the end of World War II that Santa enjoyed his career renaissance. But once he rounded back into top form, he was unstoppable (1947 was a particularly sweet year for St. Nick: he was named Comeback Player of the Year and he was the subject of the classic film Miracle on 34th Street).

So Drive and Dish is predicting that, given the current tough state of the economy, Santa may be more susceptible than usual to having one of his off nights. But remember, an "off night" by Santa's standards is still pretty magical. Santa will still be productive, regardless of whether he's got his "A-game" going. After all, he's still Santa Claus! Nevertheless, it is possible that his 2008 production won't quite be up to the lofty standards that the world has come to expect from Santa Claus.

On the other hand, we can't rule out the possibility that Santa will come out and surprise the world with another dazzling performance. Ever the prime time player, Santa has always been the kind of guy who thrives on adversity and pressure. As the saying goes, "when the going gets tough, the tough get going." And Santa has had some of his best moments amidst the toughest of circumstances. Never forget: Santa Claus is a big time, money player. It's never a good idea to bet against Santa. Like Michael Jordan, Santa is THE MAN.

In the final analysis, Drive and Dish expects another typical solid outing by Santa Claus, even though the "experts" are predicting a down Christmas. Santa is an old pro. Even when the chips are down, Santa finds a way to come through. Year after year, he exhibits the kind of gritty leadership one expects from a grizzled veteran. And he should -- after all, St. Nick has been in the game since the 4th Century! So although circumstances could prevent 2008 from proving to be a banner year for St. Nick and his Christmas Express, we can say with certainty that Santa Claus will do whatever he can to conjure up his A game this Christmas Eve and that he'll give it everything he's got tonight. That much is simply a "given." And who knows, maybe Santa will surprise everybody with yet another special outing.

Never bet against Santa!

Christmas Eve: Scouting Report on Santa

It's Christmas Eve and Drive and Dish is getting ready for Santa's annual visit. Unfortunately, I have a strong feeling that I'll be getting a lump of coal in my stocking again this year. That's what I got last year. It looks like it's becoming a trend.

Oh well, whatever.

Santa still gets it done for millions, if not billions, of other people throughout the world. So Drive and Dish is giving him some love. But this wouldn't be a Drive and Dish post if we didn't break down Santa's game. So here's Drive and Dish's scouting report on the "jolly old elf:"

Background

Santa began his career during the third century A.D. as the Bishop of Myra, which was a Greek colony in the Roman province of Lycia, Asia Minor (modern day Turkey). At the time, he was known as Saint Nicholas. So Santa started out, in essence, as a Greek guy named Nick. But just as Lew Alcindor transformed into Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, in the late 1800's Saint Nicholas transformed into Santa Claus -- we'll get to that in a minute.

It's believed that Nicholas was a participant in the first Council of Nicaea in 325 A.D. It was at the Council of Nicaea that Nicholas is said to have slapped Arius across the face. The Council later termed Arius a heretic and banished him from the church. But that didn't stop them from disciplining Saint Nicholas for assaulting Arius. Saint Nicholas was booted from the Council and defrocked from the priesthood. But the night after they kicked Nicholas out of the Council and the priesthood, the other Bishops all had the same dream: in their dream, Christ and the Virgin Mary appeared with Nicholas, who was wearing his Bishop's vestments. The Bishops' mutual dream caused them to reconsider their harsh punishment of Saint Nicholas. So they quickly reinstated Nicholas to the priesthood and to the Council of Nicea.

Saint Nicholas was also well known for his heroic acts. As a young man, he saved a sailor from drowning. For this reason, Nicholas is the patron saint of sailors. Furthermore, Nicholas was famous for coming to the defense of the falsely accused. He saved many men from being wrongly put to death. There's also a legend that Nicholas resurrected three children who had been slaughtered and made into meat pies by a butcher. Although this legend seems ridiculously far fetched, it served as the inspiration for the British story Sweeney Todd (which is now a hit Hollywood film).

But without question, Saint Nicholas is best known for anonymously giving gifts in the middle of the night -- a trait that he's continued and expanded tremendously in his current Santa incarnation.

Saint Nicholas is believed to have begun his gift giving career when he helped a poor man who had three daughters, but who couldn't afford a dowries for them (which would have prevented the girls from getting married, and may have forced them into a life of prostitution). On three consecutive nights, Nicholas anonymously threw three purses filled with gold into the man's home. Legend has it that on the third night, the man waited up to thank whomever was throwing the purses. So Nicholas climbed the roof and threw the purse down the chimney. The purse landed in one of the daughter's stockings, which she had washed and hung over the fireplace in order to dry.

Saint Nicholas' transformation into Santa Claus took place over many centuries and on three continents. In Europe, people began celebrating the feast of Saint Nicholas on December 6th. German children began to put boots outside their homes, in hopes that St. Nicholas would fill them with gifts.

Over time, in his German appearances, Saint Nicholas began to be accompanied by a helper: the blackened, demonic Knecht Ruprecht. Nicholas rewarded the good children by giving them gifts, but Knecht Ruprecht beat, and sometimes consumed, the children who had been naughty.

In many parts of Germany, the Krampuses -- evil, drunken, sex-crazed troll like creatures who carried chains -- would come out and terrorize villages before Saint Nicholas' arrival. But the Krampuses would always flee when Saint Nicholas and Necht Ruprecht showed up.

In Austria, Belgium and Switzerland, Necht Ruprecht didn't beat or eat naughty children, but he did stuff them into a big sack, which he would later dump in the river in order to drown the naughty kids. is Holland, Saint Nicholas was called "Sinter Klaas," and he was traditionally accompanied by mischievous African helpers who dressed in Moorish garb. These guys were called "Zwarte Pieten," or "Black Petes." More recently, the Dutch have discontinued the tradition of the mischievous black guys because of the obvious negative racial overtones.

Saint Nicholas didn't actually transform into Santa Claus until after the wild success of Clement Clark Moore's 1822 poem, "Twas the Night Before Christmas (also called 'A Visit From Saint Nicholas')." Moore's Santa was a purely American phenomenon. "Old Saint Nick" became a "jolly old elf" with a belly that jiggled "like a bowl full of jelly." Santa's status as a rotund old man in a red suit (rather than in the red vestments of a bishop -- as Saint Nicholas had worn) was further cemented by Thomas Nast's wildly popular illustrations in Harper's magazine (1860's- 80's).

Today, Santa Claus is bigger than ever. He's become a global icon. He is the face of Christmas.


Strengths, Weaknesses

1). Santa has been around since the third century. Therefore, he's getting old. Amazingly, however, age hasn't appeared to slow him at all -- in fact, Santa has gotten bigger and better over the course of time. From his beginnings as the Bishop of Myra, to his canonization and subsequent career as Saint Nicholas, to his modern incarnation as Santa Claus, Santa has evolved and adapted his game to fit the times and his surroundings. In that regard, Santa reminds us of Michael Jordan.

Jordan continued to evolve throughout his career. He began his NBA as a skinny 21 year old electric, high flying, ball hogging scoring machine. It was widely believed -- in NBA circles -- that Jordan would never be a part of a championship team. He was seen as being a flashy, "me first" show off. But he wasn't seen as being a team player. And he certainly wasn't seen as a winner. But Jordan changed his game, and he went on to win championships. Upon returning from his first retirement, and with 25 lbs of added muscle on his frame, Jordan worked the turn around jump shot into his game. Jordan became the most dominant player in the game -- winning three more championships -- when he was in his mid thirties.

So, Santa's age is a concern. But he's shown no signs of slowing down, and he's continued to expand his game year after year . . . just like Michael Jordan did.

2). Santa's many incarnations (Bishop, Saint, pagan fighter, Council of Nicea participant, life saver, gift giver, "jolly old elf," world wide icon of commercialism) make him an unusually versatile talent. Sometimes it seems like there's almost nothing this guy can't do. And character isn't an issue, because there's absolutely no question that Santa is a total class guy . . . he's a Saint for God's sake!

But Saint Nicholas did assault of Arias at the Council of Nicea. And even though that was an isolated incident and it happened a long time ago (about 1800 years have passed), one can't overlook the fact that Saint Nicholas had a long association/partnership with Knecht Ruprecht, who was a demonic child abuser, child drowner and occasional cannibal. Plus, in the Netherlands, Sinter Klaas runs with a posse of trouble makers (Zwarte Pieten).


So, although Santa is a good guy, he's got some old friends who are, basically, thugs. Thus, Santa has some guys in his entourage who could cause him problems down the line. So Santa is in the same boat as a lot of NBA players. He's a good guy, but his boys can be trouble. The good news is that Sinter Klaas has cut basically cut ties with the Zwarte Pieten in Holland. Hopefully, Santa's association with Knecht Ruprecht and the Krampuses will be a thing of the past too.

3). Santa has put on a significant amount of weight over the years. Santa's still unstoppable when he puts his mind to it (which, fortunately, is every year). But one has to wonder if the excess weight will eventually catch up with him. Santa's weight, when combined with his advancing age and all the mileage that he's racked up carrying that heavy sack around, cold cause him some serious problems. He could probably prolong his career by shedding some pounds, but, unfortunately, he just keeps getting fatter every year. In that sense, Santa reminds us of Shaquille O'Neal.

Just like Santa, there's nobody else who can do what Shaq does. O'Neal is absolutely unstoppable -- when he wants to be. But he's been around forever, and he keeps getting heavier as the years go on.

4). When he was Saint Nicholas, he did everything for himself. He was a one man team. But now Santa has a great team around him. His elves do most of the tough work. And the reindeer have taken much of the load off of Santa's back. Santa can rest his bag in the sleigh as he travels, only having to lug the heavy sack around once the sleigh lands on a rooftop, and he goes down the chimney.

In this regard, Santa once again reminds us of Michael Jordan. Jordan was a one man team, until the arrival of Scottie Pippen and Horace Grant. Once the Bulls became a great team, they started to win championships. As great as he was, Jordan couldn't do that by himself.

Santa's recent success has been facilitated, at least in part, by the great team of elves and reindeer that he's assembled. And fortunately, the team from the North Pole shows no sign of slowing down.