Christmas Eve: Scouting Report on Santa

It's Christmas Eve and Drive and Dish is getting ready for Santa's annual visit. Unfortunately, I have a strong feeling that I'll be getting a lump of coal in my stocking again this year. That's what I got last year. It looks like it's becoming a trend.

Oh well, whatever.

Santa still gets it done for millions, if not billions, of other people throughout the world. So Drive and Dish is giving him some love. But this wouldn't be a Drive and Dish post if we didn't break down Santa's game. So here's Drive and Dish's scouting report on the "jolly old elf:"

Background

Santa began his career during the third century A.D. as the Bishop of Myra, which was a Greek colony in the Roman province of Lycia, Asia Minor (modern day Turkey). At the time, he was known as Saint Nicholas. So Santa started out, in essence, as a Greek guy named Nick. But just as Lew Alcindor transformed into Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, in the late 1800's Saint Nicholas transformed into Santa Claus -- we'll get to that in a minute.

It's believed that Nicholas was a participant in the first Council of Nicaea in 325 A.D. It was at the Council of Nicaea that Nicholas is said to have slapped Arius across the face. The Council later termed Arius a heretic and banished him from the church. But that didn't stop them from disciplining Saint Nicholas for assaulting Arius. Saint Nicholas was booted from the Council and defrocked from the priesthood. But the night after they kicked Nicholas out of the Council and the priesthood, the other Bishops all had the same dream: in their dream, Christ and the Virgin Mary appeared with Nicholas, who was wearing his Bishop's vestments. The Bishops' mutual dream caused them to reconsider their harsh punishment of Saint Nicholas. So they quickly reinstated Nicholas to the priesthood and to the Council of Nicea.

Saint Nicholas was also well known for his heroic acts. As a young man, he saved a sailor from drowning. For this reason, Nicholas is the patron saint of sailors. Furthermore, Nicholas was famous for coming to the defense of the falsely accused. He saved many men from being wrongly put to death. There's also a legend that Nicholas resurrected three children who had been slaughtered and made into meat pies by a butcher. Although this legend seems ridiculously far fetched, it served as the inspiration for the British story Sweeney Todd (which is now a hit Hollywood film).

But without question, Saint Nicholas is best known for anonymously giving gifts in the middle of the night -- a trait that he's continued and expanded tremendously in his current Santa incarnation.

Saint Nicholas is believed to have begun his gift giving career when he helped a poor man who had three daughters, but who couldn't afford a dowries for them (which would have prevented the girls from getting married, and may have forced them into a life of prostitution). On three consecutive nights, Nicholas anonymously threw three purses filled with gold into the man's home. Legend has it that on the third night, the man waited up to thank whomever was throwing the purses. So Nicholas climbed the roof and threw the purse down the chimney. The purse landed in one of the daughter's stockings, which she had washed and hung over the fireplace in order to dry.

Saint Nicholas' transformation into Santa Claus took place over many centuries and on three continents. In Europe, people began celebrating the feast of Saint Nicholas on December 6th. German children began to put boots outside their homes, in hopes that St. Nicholas would fill them with gifts.

Over time, in his German appearances, Saint Nicholas began to be accompanied by a helper: the blackened, demonic Knecht Ruprecht. Nicholas rewarded the good children by giving them gifts, but Knecht Ruprecht beat, and sometimes consumed, the children who had been naughty.

In many parts of Germany, the Krampuses -- evil, drunken, sex-crazed troll like creatures who carried chains -- would come out and terrorize villages before Saint Nicholas' arrival. But the Krampuses would always flee when Saint Nicholas and Necht Ruprecht showed up.

In Austria, Belgium and Switzerland, Necht Ruprecht didn't beat or eat naughty children, but he did stuff them into a big sack, which he would later dump in the river in order to drown the naughty kids. is Holland, Saint Nicholas was called "Sinter Klaas," and he was traditionally accompanied by mischievous African helpers who dressed in Moorish garb. These guys were called "Zwarte Pieten," or "Black Petes." More recently, the Dutch have discontinued the tradition of the mischievous black guys because of the obvious negative racial overtones.

Saint Nicholas didn't actually transform into Santa Claus until after the wild success of Clement Clark Moore's 1822 poem, "Twas the Night Before Christmas (also called 'A Visit From Saint Nicholas')." Moore's Santa was a purely American phenomenon. "Old Saint Nick" became a "jolly old elf" with a belly that jiggled "like a bowl full of jelly." Santa's status as a rotund old man in a red suit (rather than in the red vestments of a bishop -- as Saint Nicholas had worn) was further cemented by Thomas Nast's wildly popular illustrations in Harper's magazine (1860's- 80's).

Today, Santa Claus is bigger than ever. He's become a global icon. He is the face of Christmas.


Strengths, Weaknesses

1). Santa has been around since the third century. Therefore, he's getting old. Amazingly, however, age hasn't appeared to slow him at all -- in fact, Santa has gotten bigger and better over the course of time. From his beginnings as the Bishop of Myra, to his canonization and subsequent career as Saint Nicholas, to his modern incarnation as Santa Claus, Santa has evolved and adapted his game to fit the times and his surroundings. In that regard, Santa reminds us of Michael Jordan.

Jordan continued to evolve throughout his career. He began his NBA as a skinny 21 year old electric, high flying, ball hogging scoring machine. It was widely believed -- in NBA circles -- that Jordan would never be a part of a championship team. He was seen as being a flashy, "me first" show off. But he wasn't seen as being a team player. And he certainly wasn't seen as a winner. But Jordan changed his game, and he went on to win championships. Upon returning from his first retirement, and with 25 lbs of added muscle on his frame, Jordan worked the turn around jump shot into his game. Jordan became the most dominant player in the game -- winning three more championships -- when he was in his mid thirties.

So, Santa's age is a concern. But he's shown no signs of slowing down, and he's continued to expand his game year after year . . . just like Michael Jordan did.

2). Santa's many incarnations (Bishop, Saint, pagan fighter, Council of Nicea participant, life saver, gift giver, "jolly old elf," world wide icon of commercialism) make him an unusually versatile talent. Sometimes it seems like there's almost nothing this guy can't do. And character isn't an issue, because there's absolutely no question that Santa is a total class guy . . . he's a Saint for God's sake!

But Saint Nicholas did assault of Arias at the Council of Nicea. And even though that was an isolated incident and it happened a long time ago (about 1800 years have passed), one can't overlook the fact that Saint Nicholas had a long association/partnership with Knecht Ruprecht, who was a demonic child abuser, child drowner and occasional cannibal. Plus, in the Netherlands, Sinter Klaas runs with a posse of trouble makers (Zwarte Pieten).


So, although Santa is a good guy, he's got some old friends who are, basically, thugs. Thus, Santa has some guys in his entourage who could cause him problems down the line. So Santa is in the same boat as a lot of NBA players. He's a good guy, but his boys can be trouble. The good news is that Sinter Klaas has cut basically cut ties with the Zwarte Pieten in Holland. Hopefully, Santa's association with Knecht Ruprecht and the Krampuses will be a thing of the past too.

3). Santa has put on a significant amount of weight over the years. Santa's still unstoppable when he puts his mind to it (which, fortunately, is every year). But one has to wonder if the excess weight will eventually catch up with him. Santa's weight, when combined with his advancing age and all the mileage that he's racked up carrying that heavy sack around, cold cause him some serious problems. He could probably prolong his career by shedding some pounds, but, unfortunately, he just keeps getting fatter every year. In that sense, Santa reminds us of Shaquille O'Neal.

Just like Santa, there's nobody else who can do what Shaq does. O'Neal is absolutely unstoppable -- when he wants to be. But he's been around forever, and he keeps getting heavier as the years go on.

4). When he was Saint Nicholas, he did everything for himself. He was a one man team. But now Santa has a great team around him. His elves do most of the tough work. And the reindeer have taken much of the load off of Santa's back. Santa can rest his bag in the sleigh as he travels, only having to lug the heavy sack around once the sleigh lands on a rooftop, and he goes down the chimney.

In this regard, Santa once again reminds us of Michael Jordan. Jordan was a one man team, until the arrival of Scottie Pippen and Horace Grant. Once the Bulls became a great team, they started to win championships. As great as he was, Jordan couldn't do that by himself.

Santa's recent success has been facilitated, at least in part, by the great team of elves and reindeer that he's assembled. And fortunately, the team from the North Pole shows no sign of slowing down.