Sunday, March 11, 2007

Deep Thoughts

By Have Jumpshot Will Travel (a.k.a. Trashtalk Superstar)

I was planning to post an in depth explanation of string theory and other selected topics of interest in theoretical physics. But string theory's pretty tough to explain: it's just got too damn many dimensions. Then it hit me...this blog is about basketball. I should talk about that instead. Hence, I bestow upon you, random thoughts:

  • Its usually easy to identify the best teams in college basketball. There always seem to be at least two or three teams that are significantly better than everyone else, and thus, seem like sure-fire bets to reach the Final Four. That's not the case this year.

    A lot of teams are pretty good, but nobody is really good.

    Ohio State and Wisconsin top the polls, but they just don't appear to be championship caliber teams. Ditto for for North Carolina and Kansas. The only team I can think of that has what it takes to win a championship is...Florida. Hmm,

    Florida....where have I heard...hey wait, didn't they win the championship last year? And, wow, it looks like they have everybody back from last year's championship team.

    So why haven't they played better this year? Oh yeah! Gainesville is a party town. Those players are rock stars on campus and...they know that they're better than every other team in college basketball. Florida will get serious once the Tournament starts.
  • Just as there isn't a really great team in college basketball, there are no superstar players this year. As insufferable as the sports media's fawning over J.J. Redick was, college basketball isn't as much fun without the kind of great, superstar player (Greg Oden and Kevin Durant aren't great yet) that he was .

    Yes, Redick has struggled mightily in the NBA. It is unlikely that he will succeed in that league. But J.J. Redick was a truly great college basketball player.

    Redick arrived at Duke as an over-hyped, three point chucking freshman with limited strength, quickness, and explosiveness. He improved his athleticism (well, at least a little) and expanded his game in each of his four seasons. By his Senior year, he was the total package: he had the sweetest jump shot around, unlimited shooting range, and the ability to beat defenders off the dribble. I appreciate and respect him for that.
  • Although I miss J.J. Redick (as amazing as that may be), I definitely don't miss Adam Morrison. The sports media's coverage of Redick was insufferable and fawning, but the coverage of Gonzaga's Adam Morrison was worse.

    It was practically worshipful.

    The media loved Adam Morrison because of his style. To them, he just looked cool.

    If Redick personified the image of the stereotypical clean cut, preppy looking, white boy Duke player (I know, he had DUI's-notice that I said image), Morrison presented a rebellious, iconoclastic anti-hero. With his greasy, floppy long hair, his shockingly pale skin, his over sized grey Pete Maravich socks, and his uber-retro Nike's, Adam Morrison looked more like some dude in a band than a college basketball superstar (ever seen Adam Morrison in the same room with Jack White? Didn't think so).

    But make no mistake, Adam Morrison posessed one attribute that the sports media loved above all else. One idiosyncrasy that elevated Morrison from superstar to icon. One thing alone...yeah, you know what it was...the porn star 'stache.

    Yes, Adam Morrison sported thin, weaselly, over grown dark peach fuzz between his nose his upper lip. The kind of 'stache commonly spotted on 1970's & 80's porn stars, mulleted Camaro drivers from southern Indiana, and shirtless Florida white trash meth dealers on just about every episode of COPS.

    Oh yeah, the media worshipped Adam Morrison because of his kick ass 'stache (well, that, and the contact high that could be obtained by standing next to him).
  • Is Syracuse required to have a point guard who looks like a contestant from VH1's White Rapper show? Do they have to have some white boy on their roster who actually tries to be like Kevin Federline? They had four years of Gerry McNamara (K-Fed clone). Now they've upped the ante with Eric Devendorf, tha thugged out playa from Michigan's upscale Oakland County (he's a little bit more Paul Wall than K-Fed). Bloomfield Hills reprasen'en up in 'ere, knawI'msayn main! What's next? Is Scott Storch going to suit up for the Orange (he's probably too busy making hit records and blazin' green)? Is Jim Boeheim going to get a grill? Holla.
  • Speaking of Devendorf, its just a hunch, but...I'll bet that he has spinners (probably 26's) on his whip (probably an Escalade).
  • Hey! I can't think of a single Duany brother playing in college basketball right now. How can that be? It just doesn't feel like basketball season without a 6'8'' 155 lb. small forward whose first name is the same as his last name, chucking three's for some bubble team. Note to all college coaches: please find a Duany Duany brother (or a Boumptje-Boumptje) soon.
  • People loved it when Ali G. interviewed Kobe Bryant and other unsuspecting NBA players. Well, I'll go out on a limb and predict that Ali G. will never interview Illinois forward Brian Randle (not because Randle won't be an NBA player, although, Randle won't be an NBA player). Much like Adam Morrison and Jack White, I suspect that Brian Randle and Ali G. will never be seen in the same room, at the same time.
  • Since we're on the subject of college players who resemble celebrities, I plan to down a Jager bomb every time some lame broadcaster mentions Wisconsin guard Kammron Taylor's uncanny resemblance to Chris Rock during coverage of the NCAA Tournament. I will be very drunk.

1 comment:

Ethan Gellar said...

Boeheim should get a grill. That would be outstanding. I can't think of many coaches who rock grillz. Jimmy B could be the first. He would look so f#*%ing cool. He would be my hero then.