Friday, December 28, 2007

Eddie Sutton: Back in the Saddle


In college basketball, when a school has to make an in-season coaching change, is it is the standard operating procedure to replace the outgoing coach by elevating an assistant (from the existing coaching staff) to the status of "interim coach." Kevin O'Neal is the Interim Coach at Arizona because he was the top assistant when Lute Olson had to leave to tend to "personal matters." Last year, Assistant Coach Jim Molinari became the Interim Coach at Minnesota after Dan Monson was sent packing. When Indiana fired Bob Knight, Mike Davis was installed as Interim Coach and promptly guided the Hoosiers to the 2002 Final Four -- which led to Davis being rewarded with a multi year contract and a promotion to Head Coach.

I could continue to list examples of assistants who have taken over as Interim coaches, but I'd be here all day -- and Drive and Dish readers would quit reading this post.

My point is: if a coach has to be replaced when the season is in progress, the appropriate course of action is for the school to elevate an assistant coach to interim coach. This maintains continuity because, aside from the departed Head Coach, the rest of the coaching staff remains in place. They, in turn, continue to run the same system (offense, defense, plays, etc.) that the team had prior to the Coach's departure. Furthermore, it allows the school to conduct an in-depth coaching search after the season. The new coach is then able to hire his own staff and implement his system before the start of the next school year.

But that's not what the University of San Francisco did when their coach left. On Wednesday, San Francisco announced that Coach Jessie Evans would be taking "a leave of absence." Remarkably, they announced that Evans would be replaced by disgraced former Oklahoma State Coach Eddie Sutton -- who had no prior connection to USF and is coming out of retirement to take the position.

In light of this development, Drive and Dish held and emergency editorial staff meeting to discuss Sutton's hiring at San Francisco. This was no minor feat, since so many of our staff were on vacation for the holidays. But despite our many logistical headaches, we managed to convene and agree on the following conclusion:

San Francisco's hiring of Eddie Sutton is total horse shit.

If Eddie Sutton had really wanted to get back into coaching, he should have gone about his job search in a more traditional manner. Sutton should have waited until the conclusion of the college basketball season (when coaching vacancies open up) to contact schools in need of a new men's basketball coach.

But Sutton isn't actually serious about getting back into to coaching. Stuck at 798 career wins, he's only serious about getting into the 800 win club. He even admitted as much when he was announced as USF's coach on Wednesday!

Coach Sutton was forced out at Oklahoma State after the 2006 season following an in-season leave of absence that the university imposed upon him when he was charged with DUI in conjunction with an auto accident. For the purpose of damage control, Oklahoma State forced forced old "Fast Eddie" (who had struggled for years with his raging alcoholism) to seek treatment at a rehab facility. OSU then named Sean Sutton to be his dad's replacement, even though Eddie Sutton never backed off from his stated intention to return as the Cowboys' coach.

Oklahoma State knew exactly what they were getting when they hired Eddie Sutton. Long before he arrived in Stillwater, Coach Sutton had a well-documented checkered history. While the head coach at Kentucky, Coach Sutton famously ran a renegade program that landed UK on NCAA probation. Obviously, the Oklahoma State administration was well aware that Sutton was no angel when they decided to hire him in 1990. They knew that he was something of a reclamation project. After all, Sutton was only one year removed from a highly-publicized scandal that caused the NCAA to impose severe sanctions on Kentucky's basketball program in 1989 (Kentucky had traditionally escaped the eye of the NCAA infractions police, despite well-known rumors of shadiness that stretched as far back as the 1940's). But Oklahoma State also knew that Eddie Sutton had taken Creighton, Arkansas and Kentucky to the NCAA Tournament -- his Arkansas team got as far as the 1978 Final Four.

A generation earlier, Oklahoma State -- then known as Oklahoma A&M -- had been a basketball power under the stewardship of legendary coach Henry Iba. But the post-Iba era (i.e., the modern era) had not been kind to Oklahoma State basketball: the program had fallen so far from its previous elite status that, at the time of Sutton's hiring, the Cowboys had only played in the post season three times since 1957. Oklahoma State's rationale for hiring Sutton isn't terribly difficult to understand: Sutton is an Oklahoma State/A&M alum who played for Coach Iba in the 1950's, and more importantly, he has a long track record as a winning coach in college basketball. Oklahoma State hired a proven winner who provided a direct link to the program's glory days. However, OSU also knew that hiring Eddie Sutton would be a gamble . . . but it was a gamble that they were happy to make.

And Eddie Sutton didn't disappoint.

Coach Sutton turned an Oklahoma State program that had been moribund for three decades into a consistent winner. He took the Cowboys to Final Fours in 1995 and 2004. But OSU's on-court success came with a trade-off: Eddie Sutton had significant baggage, and he didn't exactly change his ways while in Stillwater. During his tenure at Oklahoma State, Eddie Sutton's teams were stocked with so many players who had been processed by the criminal justice system that OSU earned the nickname "Second Chance U."

Sometimes, given the extensive off-court problems that so many of its basketball players had encountered, it seemed as though OSU could be better described as "Third and Fourth Chance U." Whatever the case, the second chances finally ran out for the old coach who had offered so many second and third chances to so many troubled players over the years. When Sutton's 2006 car accident led to his being charged with DUI, there was no way for Oklahoma State to retain a sliver of respectability without disassociating itself from Eddie Sutton.

And it looked like the end of the road for Coach Sutton's career when his legendary drinking problems led to him being more or less pushed out at OSU. With his reputation as a cantankerous, unscrupulous, cheating old man with a drinking problem, no reputable institution of higher education was going to hire Eddie Sutton to lead their basketball program. Sutton understood this. So when San Francisco -- which, once upon a time, was a basketball power (Bill Russell played there during the Eisenhower administration) -- decided to let Sutton come on board to get his 800th win, old "Fast Eddie" jumped at the opportunity.

Which is really sad.

Eddie Sutton is an old, drunk, serial rule-breaker who is selfishly taking over a team that he's had no previous contact with (one wonders if he even knows anything about this year's team), and which he has no intention of coaching beyond 2008. What's worse, he's doing it 1/3 of the way through the season. That's just not fair to the current USF players. They should be given the opportunity to play for an interim coach, who the university should elevate from the remaining coaching staff. The interim coach would then continue to run the current system for the remainder of the season.

Drive and Dish wonders what could have prompted USF to make such a preposterous mid season hire. We wonder if they were just trying to make headlines. Whatever their motive was, the hiring of Eddie Sutton makes the University of San Francisco appear desperate for attention. San Francisco used to be a big time basketball school. It looks like they long to be relevant again.

But if that's the case, the joke's on USF. In college basketball, a school becomes relevant when it's basketball program wins on a consistent basis. Staging a cheap publicity stunt will not put a college basketball program on the fast track to relevance. Worse yet, by making headlines with their ridiculous decision to let Eddie Sutton sit in for his 800th win, the University of San Francisco has essentially made itself even more irrelevant than it already was.

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

I propose a toast to Eddie Sutton.

Anonymous said...

soooo, just looking at the pics of coach sutton, i'd party with him. hes got a reputation as quite the partier, and hes definately been around the block .... like me!! LOL!! so, i mean, i'd like probly hang out with him. he looks like he likes to have fun?, and im a party gurrl?, soooo, ya know, i like to have fun! yay fun!!

Anonymous said...

Tila, Im not sure if sutton looks like he likes to have fun. thats not the first thing that came to mind when i seen his picture.

but he does look like he just crapped his pants ..... and thats how I like to have fun!

Anonymous said...

Poopy Pantz,

I just crapped my pants, but it's not what I'd call fun. I've been living with my little incontinence problem for several years now, and take it from me, being old and not being able to keep from crapping all over myself ain't no picnic, kid.

You're a pretty sick young man if you do that to get your kicks. Why, I'd fork over my left testicle to be able to keep from crapping all over the place (although, since I'm impotent in addition to incontinent, I could give my left and right nut .... the shwantz is dead anyway).

Listen, with all the Garlic supplements that I have to take to maintain my heart health, I end up crapping out some real Doozies! Believe me, you don't want to be in the room when that happens! And since I can't control my bowels, that could happen in any room ..... at any time!

I don't know how my wife deals with it. She's only 28 years old .... (not bad for an old codger like me, eh?), and she's already got her hands full, what with potty training our rug rats and all. Actually I do know how she deals with it ..... she gets my money when I kick the bucket. Well, guess what, I've got news for her. Her clock's ticking, she's pushing 30 and I'm gunna kick the broad to the curb when she hits the big 3-0 ..... after all, she'll be over the hill. And I've got no use for old hags .... I'm too old for that, ha!

Anyhoo, you're a sicko, Poopy Pantz.

Back in Brooklyn, we had a name for guys like you -- shlemiel!

Anonymous said...

Hey man, take it easy on the alcoholic ex-Kentucky coaches. I'm not an ex-Kentucky coach yet, but I probably will be in a few months ..... and let me tell you: if you lose a few games in Lexington, it'll drive you to drink. I mean, these toothless Wildcat Nation folks are crazy! They expect a Final Four every year. I don't know how Tubby stayed sober for all those years.

Now it's true that I was a big partier before I got to Lexington, but now I stay loaded from sunrise to sundown .... it's the only way I can get through the day anymore.

Anonymous said...

why wouldn´t they consider Dennis Green?!? He knows the Bay area having coached Stanford´s football team. He is intellectually gifted, so he knows about basketball as well. Now he has developed a good appetite, hence the bigger belly, which can only help Rice a Roni and other San Francisco based food operations

Anonymous said...

Eddie Sutton poopey greater Bay Area.

Anonymous said...

I like to eat Jaguar Cichlid eggs!

Anonymous said...

San Francisco is a great restaurant town. They don't need Dennis Green's business to help the San Fran culinary scene. But Eddie Sutton might be good for the bars/liquor stores.

Anonymous said...

I hate Duke and UNC.

Anonymous said...

practice?

Anonymous said...

I love Denny Green because his poetic speech about the Bears being who they thought they were has taken the spotlight off my "playoffs?. . . playoffs?" soliloquy. And his use of "they are who we thought they were, and we let 'em off the hook," is a clever way to introduce a fishing analogy to a football speech. Dennis Green is a master of both sports. Saying "we let 'em off the hook" reinforced that fact in the minds of his players, the media and the fans. Pure genius, if you ask me.

Too bad his team couldn't do diddly poo. Quite frankly, they were just lucky to win a game. I mean, they just SUCKED.

Anonymous said...

coach mora.......... sucks that coach green's team couldnt do diddly poo. i would of turned into their biggest fan if they could of. i love diddly poo. im wearing a dirty diaper right now.

Anonymous said...

Poopy Pantz, what's wrong with you? I mean, really. What's your problem? You sound like some kind of pervy degenerate. Son, you need to get a grip!

Anonymous said...

I'm Joe Biden, I'm the smartest guy in Washington . . . hell, I'm the smartest guy in America, and I'm still running for President. I'm a foreign policy genius. Yet I'm still a man of the people. Hell, I didn't go to Princeton because I'm Irish, and my blue collar Irish Catholic grandfather would have rolled over in his grave if I'd gone to that bastion of WASPdom, Irish suppression and anti - Catholicism (it has nothing to do with the fact that I didn't get accepted).

I also have all the answers and I'd clear all this mess up if I were President. And if I'd been coaching the Cardinals, I'd never have let the Bears off the hook. You'd have to be an idiot to let the Bears off like that. What were they thinking? I mean, really! What the hell were those guys thinking? I demand answers!

But I do have to say that Dennis Green is pretty clean and well spoken for a black guy. He's kind of like Obama in that he's not illiterate, inarticulate, angry and threatening to white people . . . as most black people are. So I kind of like him, even though he's black.

Of coarse, he coached at Stanford, which I hold against him. I've always hated Stanford because I'm Irish and I'm a man of the people (and my granddaddy Biden was blue collar and Irish), and Stanford was always for rich, WASPY people (until all those Goddamned Asians took over the place). And Stanford is in the Bay Area, and since I'm not light in the loafers (and neither are any of my sons, thank God), I'm not really a fan of the area ..... too many Asians and too many gays for my taste (but since San Francisco is where a significant amount of DNC fund raising is done, I probably shouldn't have said that . . . I'll just say that I was misquoted and blame the media).

Screw the Cardinals and screw the Bears. On second thought, the Bears are from the Midwest and I'm trying to win the Iowa caucus, which is also in the Midwest. And since all Midwesterners are the same -- they're all a bunch of toothless, inbred, assbackward rednecks -- I take back the screw the Bears thingy. Go Bears. I love those Midwestern teams and their rustic fans. Besides, Lovie Smith is pretty clean, articulate and likable for a black guy.

S.K. said...

Coach Mora,

Not to be pedantic, but I think that a soliloquy is a literary device in which a character talks to him or herself in order to reveal his or her inner thoughts to the readers/audience. In other words, it means that you're talking to yourself. So your "playoffs" speech wasn't really a soliloquy. It was just an address (and a meltdown).

But take heart, you and Dennis Green aren't alone. Lots of coaches and athletes blow up when they're in front of cameras. Take a look at this:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThTnXj42SEI&feature=related

and this:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyHK6TFZ3eY&feature=related

Your comments about Poopy Pantz and the other scat fetish guys are spot on, though.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to win Iowa. Mark it down. My predictions are right on all the time, because I'm the smartest man in America. I predicted Sept. 11 one day before it happened. Look it up. I really did.

I'm going to win Iowa. And Iowa's basketball team is going to win their conference (whatever conference it is that they play in). Mark that one down too.

Furthermore, Princeton is going to win the Ivy League. I've always loved Princeton. I would have attended Princeton if it hadn't been for my dead Irish blue collar grandfather's objections. When I couldn't get in, I mean when I had to turn Princeton down to show solidarity with my Irish Catholic ancestors, I decided that my offspring would some day be Princeton men (assuming I had offspring, and they were males).

When my sons failed to get into, I mean decided not to go to Princeton, I was crestfallen. It had been my ambition to go to Princeton, and for my sons to go to Princeton. But they went to Penn -- which is also an Ivy League school, for those who didn't know -- instead. Many people don't know this, but Penn is actually a better school than Princeton. And it's in the Ivy League too, but for some reason many people are too stupid to realize that.

I predict that Penn is going to win the Ivy League. I've got a son who is an alumnus of Penn. It is extremely difficult to get into Penn. You have to be elite in every aspect of life to be worthy of acceptance at the University of Pennsylvania.

There's nothing that the Bidens have wanted more than to be just like the elite, ruling class, blue blood WASP families. Like the Kennedys, we're just Irish Catholics, but we've appropriated every aspect of WASP blue blood life. So much so that we've become just like the real blue bloods. So when I couldn't get into, I mean decided not to go to Princeton, it set my social climbing aspirations back about twenty five years. It's been a hell of a struggle, but I'm finally on top of the social strata. But what I've always wanted (and what my blue collar Irish Catholic family has always wanted) was a familial tie to Princeton -- the ultimate, elite bastion of WASPy WASPism. Unfortunately, the only tie to PU that I have is the cool $1,000,000 that I put down on the Tigers to win the Ivy this year. But now I'm rambling -- although that's nothing new for me. Why shouldn't I ramble? I mean, I'm the smartest, most prescient guy in Washington, maybe even the World. Somebody should write down every last one of my ramblings. That would make for a great anthology.

My random thoughts would make the combined works Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, James Monroe, Aristotle, Plato, St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinas, Constantine, Cicero, Voltaire, Goethe, Shakespeare, Sir Walter Raleigh, George Mason, George Washington, Lincoln, Bob Guccioni Jr., St. Paul, James Madison, Hegel, Foucault, Derrida, Stephane Mallarme, Nietzsche, Heidegger, William S. Burrows, Hunter S. Thompson, Jane Addams, Thucydides, Scott Fitzgerald, Gertrude Stein, Pat Forde, the Sports Guy (Bill Simmons or whatever the hell his name is), Gandhi, Marcus Aurelius, Sun Tzu, Kafka, Dr. Phil, W.E.B. Du Bois, Claire Boothe Luce, Dr. Timothy Leary, Buddha, Christ and Maureen Dowd look pretty insignificant by comparison. I'm really, really smart.

And I'm going to win Iowa and New Hampshire. Go Iowa Buckeyes!! .... or whatever the hell Iowa's backwater, inbred, corn-fed team calls themselves. Go team!

Anonymous said...

I'm going to win Iowa too. But thats' because I'm a Christian and Mitt Romney is a Devil worshiping Mormon freak.

And I'm all folksy and hickey, and that's a good thing in the Iowa Caucuses. Plus, even though I don't know my head from my ass on foreign policy issues, I freely admit as much. But I always say that even though I don't know what I'm talking about with regard to foreign policy, I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

That line works every time.

And I use it an awful lot, seeing as how I always get asked questions that I can't answer 'cause I have no idea what I'm talkin' about.

Plus, Chuck Norris endorses me. And Chuck Norris' tears have the power to heal the world . . . too bad he's never cried.

Boy am I funny.

And Did I mention that I'm a Christian?

Oh, and by the way, Chuck Norris isn't the only celebrity who endorses me.

Jesus endorses me too.

And if folks will have a personal relationship with him, Jesus can make like Chuck Norris and save the world . . . except for Mormon Satan worshipers like Mitt Romney and Catholic baby killing adulterers like Rudy Giuliani.

God is gunna vote for me. That's 'cause God hates Mormons and Catholics ... like Mitt and Rudy.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget to go out and vote for me if you live in Iowa. I really need to win Iowa to have a chance at the nomination.

Plus, I really want to win Iowa because I have a deep need for validation. You see, I'm a terribly insecure man, and I need approval in the worst way. That's why I went into the ministry and, ultimately, into politics.

Growing up, I was always the fat kid who got picked on. I could barely walk and chew gum at the same time, so I wasn't exactly an athlete, if you know what I mean. I couldn't play a sport to save my life. Besides, I was a little wussy boy anyway. I didn't like all that physical stuff, what with running and all. So life was miserable for me. And being from Arkansas, which is perhaps the most backward of all the states in the Union (I'd never say that Arkansas is part of the Union back home, by the way -- folks in Arkansas don't exactly cotton to the Union, if you know what I mean . . . they tend to be stars and bars forever folks), all the other boys were macho tough guys. So I just retreated to my school books. At least I was smart. And if I couldn't be popular and athletic, at least I could do well in school and get the heck out of Hope, AR.

And get out of Hope, Arkansas, I did.

And I landed in Little Rock . . . in the Governor's mansion.

Which makes my life story almost identical to that of another former Arkansas Governor who was a fat, nerdy, smart kid from Hope who also had deep feelings of inferiority and also had a constant need for external validation . . . and to be loved by everyone.

But despite all my success in politics, deep down, I'm still the same insecure, fat nerd boy that I was in Junior High and High School.
So I really need to be liked. Thankfully, the media loves me, or at least pretends to for the time being.

You see, despite my "aw shucks" shtick, I'm not a dumb guy: I know that Manhattan and Washington, D.C. media elites hate Southerners, devout Christians and Republicans, and that the only reason that they give me good press is because they know that I'm the weakest candidate in the Republican field. They want me to win so that Hillary or Obama (preferably Hillary -- she's always been the darling of the Manhattan intelligentsia and the media elites) can have an unobstructed path to the Presidency. They may act as though they like me now, but they'll ridicule me in a heartbeat if I get the nomination.

Which is why they want me to get the nomination.

I mean, even that knee jerk liberal E.J. Dionne (who's never seen a Republican, Southerner or Evangelical Christian that he didn't revile) has been singing my praises in the Washington Post recently. C'mon! E.J. Dionne praising me is like Auburn fans praising Nick Saban and yelling: "roll Tide!"

The media think that I'll be easy pickens: I'm a dorky, slow talking, Evangelical Baptist, backwater hick who has a goofy last name name and a burning desire for acceptance and validation.

Thank God Chuck Norris endorses me. He's such a strong, confident Alpha male. And I'm just a weak, scared coward . . . but one with a lot of chutzpah political ambition.

S.K. said...

Gov. Huckabee,

I think you meant to say "chutzpah AND political ambition." That would have made more sense. But it's easy to make a typeo, especially when one is bearing one's soul on an online forum.

Thanks for the candor, though. But I don't think it's good to slam your political opponents and their respective religious faiths, while hiding behind the cover of your own religiosity.

For someone who attempts to connect with Evangelical voters based on the fact that your status as a man of faith, and who purports to stand on the moral high ground, your political tactics seem pretty underhanded and cynical.

You're a panderer.

And I don't think that Jesus would be impressed. In fact, I think Jesus would call you out for being the cynical political hack that you are.

But you've got Chuck Norris fooled, and he's -- by all accounts -- a pretty good guy, so congrats.

S.K. said...

Huck,

You may have seen that in my reply to your typo, I committed a few typo's of my own. It's late (or early, depending on how you look at it), and I'm pulling an all-nighter, so I'm not on my A-game.

But that doesn't change the fact that I remain skeptical of your candidacy
. . . and of your character. f

Anonymous said...

Mr. Huckabee,

With all due respect, you, sir, are an idiot. On your best day, you don't have 1/16 the mental capacity that I have ..... and that's when I'm passed out from being falling down drunk (which, since I'm a Senator, happens more than you'd think . . . Senator Kennedy, Senator Dodd and I like to knock 'em back, if you know what I mean).

But don't take my statement as an insult. Although you are, in fact, a right wing Jesus freak idiot, it's not fair to compare your (or anyone else's) inferior intellect to mine. I am, simply, the smartest man alive today.

Plus, I'm the greatest foreign policy mind on Planet Earth. Furthermore, my son is a graduate of an Ivy League university. And I have many leather bound books in my Georgetown mansion.

Anonymous said...

Goddamn it! I got, what, 1% of the vote in Iowa. That just blows. What the hell is wrong with these fucking idiots in this tiny, God forsaken state?

These people didn't show me the respect that I deserve. I can't believe this! It's a freakin' replay of my 2004 Iowa campaign and my 2000, '92 and '88 Iowa campaigns. I mean, when the hell are the fine Democratic voters going to recognize my genius? How many times do I have to run?

This is just horse crap!

Oh well, screw it. I'm pulling out of the race. Check it out:

firstread.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/01/03/547161.aspx

I thought I'd do better this time, but the damn corn fed idiots who vote in the Iowa Caucuses just can't get their heads out of their asses.

Screw them. And screw the Buckeyes, or Hawkeyes, or whatever team these rustic inbred morons root for.

By the way, tell Obama (who, incidentally, is pretty clean, articulate and non threatening for a black guy) that I'm available for the Vice Presidential nomination.

Anonymous said...

Whohoo! I won Iowa! Hell mutherfuckin' yeah! Oops. I meant, praise the Lord!

Sorry for the slip up. It's been a long night. After I commencing my victory speech, I've been partying like a rock star all night.

Oh yeah, I played up the "aw shucks" folksy, little ol'me, Christian, small town Southern Baptist minister shtick when I was in front of my loyal supporters. Golly gee whillikers!

But after doing my humble small town act for the cameras, I've been tearin' up the Des Moines nightclub scene.

The rustic, Christian, hayseed stuff worked like a charm in Iowa. And it's what's fueled my political career. But that holy roller act is just my sales pitch. It's my day job. By night, I drop the Jesus crap and I'm all about hookers and blow!

Party like a rock star, party like a rock star.

Gotta go, I've got interviews to do tomorrow, and right now I'm too coked up to make much sense. But I've got some bangin' strippers with me in my limo, and I'm just hoping that I can get this threesome train rollin' before little Mike goes limp ..... the yayo will do that to ya, don'tchaknow.

Anonymous said...

Huckabee, you're a prick. Those strippers should have been in my limo, not yours. You're a hypocrite. Throw me a bone. It's been a rough night for me. I'm at rock bottom right now. I'm desperate. I'll take your sloppy seconds. Let me in your limo.

Anonymous said...

Huckabee, I'm the only validation craving former Arkansas Governor that matters. You're nothing. I'm the man from Hope. You've got no hope. And you're infringing on my turf, asshat. Who the fuck do you think you are?

I need attention. I need adulation. I need to be loved by everyone. I need power! And now you and that Oreo, Barack Obama, are taking attention away from me.

I'm warning you: You're on thin ice, buddy.

I tolerated your hayseed ass before, but I've had enough of you. You can't be the "Man From Hope" anymore. I'm the Man From Hope. That's my game. And I'm taking it back.

I'm tellin' ya, you're on my motherfucking turf, ass wipe.

It's like you crashed my pool party, and pissed the pool.

I could have put the smack-down on your political career before it got off the ground, back in Arkansas.

But I tolerated you and your Bible thumping, Jesus freak bullshit.

You owe me, dickhead.

Let me in your limo.

Give those damn strippers to me.

Hell, I'll even take sloppy seconds too. You think I fucking care? I have Cialis, so I can go all night . . . even if I've been hoovering the blow, myself.

Oh, and another thing: I don't just party like a rockstar. I am a motherfucking rock star, bitch!!

Give me those Goddamn strippers, right now!

That's an order!

So Let me in the damn limo.

I've got cheese fries and Maid-Rite burgers, if y'all are hungry.

S.K. said...

Senator Biden,

With all the thinkers that you claimed superiority over, I'm surprised that you didn't reference Keynes. Maybe you hold him in such high regard that you don't think your random thoughts are greater than his works.

Anyway, I'd recommend reading Friedman and Hayek, if you haven't already done so (I'd be shocked if you have).

By the way, you're a windbag and a blowhard.

Nevertheless, good luck with your 2012 Presidential bid.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I didn't see Tila Tequila's comment at the top of this comments section the first time that I read this thread. I wish I'd seen it before, 'cause I'm a fan of Tila's work.

Tila, if you read this (and I don't know if you will because I'm not quite sure if you actually can, you know, read), please give me a reply. Let me know if you're interested in hanging out . . . in the back of my plane. And don't worry, my guys will get a hold of you for me. I've got the Secret Service -- they can find anyone.

You are one hot little slutty piece of Vietnamese ass. We could have so much fun together. Just think about it! As your people say: Oh, me so horny! Me love you long time!

What do ya say Tila? I'm a hunk of burnin' love for you, Tila. Hillary doesn't give a damn if I get my swerve on with hotties like your fine little ass. Hell, since you're bi, she might even want to join in -- if you know what I mean!

Oh yeah baby. You've got me all hot and bothered. You look like an anime cartoon . . . a hot anime cartoon that I'd like to bang the crap out of!

Whatta ya say.

Let's get it on baby!

I love you baby.

I've got this thing that I do with a cigar that I'm just dying to try out on you. Let me hit it. Let me have a piece of your tight little ass.

Anonymous said...

me poopey '08

S.K. said...

It's great to see that so many important and/or interesting people have stopped by to comment on this post (with the exception of Ms. Tequila -- she's neither important nor interesting). Clearly, Drive and Dish has become a favorite of the political, entertainment and sports elite.

Furthermore, I'd like to wish Senator Biden good luck with in his next bid for the White House (in either 2012 or 2016). And good luck to former Governor Huckabee (although he probably doesn't need me to wish him luck -- he's got Chuck Norris on his side, and Chuck Norris CREATES luck . . . with his fists). Finally, I hope that President Clinton is able to get in touch with Tila Tequila, and that the two of them can hook up. But I don't think I need to wish him luck either -- I mean, how hard can it be to hook up with Tila Tequila?

Anyway, to steer the conversation back to the original topic, let me say that I don't mean to appear as though I'm hatin' on Eddie Sutton and /or on Oklahoma State.

You see, when I was a mere youth, I was actually a big Kentucky fan. This was at the end of Coach Sutton's tenure with the Wildcats.

What's more, when I was in high school, a guy who I knew and admired signed a letter of intent to play basketball for Coach Sutton at Oklahoma State (the guy was older and went to a different high school, but he was a close friend of one of my best friends/teammates).

This friend of a friend was a big track star and was also a very nice basketball player. He'd been overlooked by major Division I basketball programs, but he blew up midway through his Senior season. Coach Sutton came calling inn the Spring, and the guy signed to play basketball and compete in track and field at Oklahoma State.

In college, this guy played small forward, and roomed with Bryant "Big Country" Reeves. He and Big Country were starters on Oklahoma State's 1995 Final Four team.

I was an Oklahoma State fan back then. T.C. (as we'll call him) was a close friend of one of my close friends. I knew him, I liked him and I looked up to him. He was an outstanding dual sport athlete at the highest level of college athletics. And he was a pretty good guy.

I was also a basketball/track athlete in high school and college, although I was never in the same stratosphere as T.C. Nevertheless, he was someone who I could look to, draw inspiration from, and root for.

Eddie Sutton and Oklahoma State were good to him. And I was completely down with the Cowboys in those days.

But it can't be denied that Eddie Sutton turned Oklahoma State into "Second Chance U." He ran a questionable program in Stillwater. And years earlier, he'd run a downright RENEGADE program at Kentucky.

Now Eddie Sutton is making a mockery of the basketball program at the University of San Francisco.

I'm not hating on Coach Sutton. But the best I can probably say is that Eddie Sutton is a mixed bag.

(sorry T.C.)

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