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I'm not sure if he can actually run or move laterally, but he's starting to become a valuable player for UNC Asheville, which is enjoying it's best season in over 20 years.
Today's Asheville Citizen-Times has a profile of George.
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I can't believe how BIG he is. I keep looking at that picture and staring at his crotch. I wonder how big his you know what is. I'd really LOVE to find out!!!
Bruce Levine, my good buddy, you are the dean of Chicago baseball reporters. You're the maestro of hot stove baseball talk. Along with yours truly, you enlighten scores of listeners with your baseball acumen each and every Saturday morning on ESPN radio AM 1000, here in the City of Broad Shoulders, that Toddlin' Town, the Windy City, this fair city on the shores of Lake Michigan that's boasted such luminaries as a Ditka, a Payton, a Sayers, a Papa Bear George Halas, a Sid Luckman, His Airness Michael Jeffery Jordan, "Butterbean" Bob Love, Ernie Banks, Fergie Jenkins, Billy Williams, the pride of Spokane, WA - Ryne Sandberg, Hack Wilson, a Stan Mikita, a Bobby Hull, Big Frank Thomas, "Savoirfaire" Denny Savard, my good friend Phil Stefani, my buddy Rich Mellman, Mayor Daley and the list goes on....
Bruce, you're, hands down, the best in the business. But you're kind of creeping me out there, chief. I mean, don't get me wrong ... I can't keep my eyes off a foxy lady with a killer tookus. For that matter, I can't stay away from the fine young ladies that I run into every night at Gibson's, Jilly's and Tavern on Rush. There's been many a night that a fine young lass - such as the type I just described - has "ESCORTED" me home, if you know what I mean (thank God for the little blue pill)!
But it's just weird to stare at athletes' crotches. I hope you don't do that when you're in the Cubs' locker room, Bruce. And imagine what Ozzie would do if he saw you eying his package - or any of his players' packages.
Now that I think of it, when my good friend Chef Klaus' (of Smith and Wollensky) magnificent shellfish bouquet and "Wollensky's famous split pea soup" barreled their way through my system this afternoon (and thanks to Chef Klaus and Smith and Wollensky for the daily comp ... I don't know what I'd do without it), I had to high tail it into on of the ESPN AM1000 bathroom stalls. When I sat down to drop the kids off at the pool, there was someone tapping his toes in the stall next to me .... just like Senator Larry Craig.
And then the guy's hand came under my side of the stall, and his foot touched mine.
Was that you Bruce?
I thought it was probably Carmen DiFalco or Marc Silverman. In fact, I would've bet the house on Silverman.
But now I'm starting to wonder, my man.
Say it ain't so, Brucie.
There's nothing wrong with staring at athletes' crotches, IMO. If you remember back to my sexual assault trial of ten years ago, you may recall that it was revealed that I had solicited several Knicks players to join me and my girlfriend, Vanessa Perhatch, in sexual trysts. I specifically targeted the tallest and most well endowed Knicks players (you may recall that Patrick Ewing was the guy who I'd been pestering the most to join in the gang bang), as I specifically wanted to watch my GF get impaled on a giant black guy's member.
So I was well known for hanging out in the locker room and checking out the packages of Knicks players, in order to figure out which guys had the biggest shlongs, and therefore, which guys I wanted to invite over for threesomes/gang bangs.
As you also may recall, it was revealed that I was fond of wearing women's underwear and that I had occasionally tried "switch hitting," so to speak.
I had to admit, in court, to having engaged in that manor of behavior, and I explained that, in the wake of my divorce from my first wife, I went through a period where I "experimented with my sexuality."
And you may recall the testimony of a transvestite prostitute who testified that I had requested his services (over the phone via a tranny escort service) due to his resemblance of Hall of Fame Giants Linebacker Lawrence Taylor. The idea of getting it on with a cross dressing L.T. lookalike turned me on in a really strange way.
On a side note, you also may recall that the tranny L.T. lookalike backed out of the deal when he arrived at my place and saw that I was the John that he was hired to service. He had grown up as a big Knicks fan and was devastated to find out that one of his childhood heroes (me, the great Marv Albert) was into freaky, cross dressing, dude on dude sex.
Hey, I was just "experimenting."
But the L.T. looking tranny couldn't go through with it. He ran away crying.
But I digress. Anyhoo, back to my point: Bruce Levine doesn't have to apologize to anyone for staring at athletes' crotches. He's a grown man and he can do whatever turns him on.
You go, Bruce.
You shouldn't let anybody try to discourage you from "experimenting with your sexuality." You're around lean and mean professional athletes for your job. There's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't be allowed to check 'em out in the locker room.
I always have.
With all these comments talking about kinky sex, bathroom stalls and poo, Drive and Dish is starting to get interesting again.
Kinky sex and poo:
YESSS!!!!
Marv, my man,
Marvy baby,
Marvelous Marv,
The last thing Bruce Levine needs is encouragement. Please! Don't give him the idea that it's normal to go around eyeballing other guys' crotches.
Look, no one respects what you've done in the sports broadcasting business more that I do. You're the big cheese of NBA play by play. You're MR. Big Apple. The King of New York. The Pope of Greenwich Village. The Maestro of Manhattan.
And your radio work on Monday Night Football ain't too shabby either.
But you're a Goddamned pervert in your personal life. You're a real freak-a-zoid. I mean, you make Pee Wee Hermann look like a model citizen. You make freaky guys like Ron Jeremy, R.Kelly, Mike Tyson, President Clinton (who I love, by the way .... but he's a sex addict), Michael Douglas, and even men who seek anonymous sex with other men in public places like George Michael (the pop singer, not our colleague of "Sports Machine" fame), Senator Larry Craig, Kevin Spacey and Supreme Court Justice Breyer look like choir boys.
You've got problems, Marv. And believe me, I'm no prude .... just ask the call girls who frequent Gibson's, Hugo's, Jilly's, the Hunt Club and Tavern on Rush. They know me well. And they know that I like to get my swerve on too, just like any red-blooded American male.
But threesomes with Patrick Ewing and Anthony Mason? Getting off by watching shockingly well endowed NBA players impale your girlfriend, jar her guts, rupture her internal organs and basically disembowel her with their members? Good Lord! What's wrong with you?
And I haven't even got to the stuff about how you solicited the she-male Lawrence Taylor lookalike prostitute.
That's one of the most fucked up things I've ever heard.
The fact that you like to wear ladies' panties and brassieres is the least your problems (I shudder to think what you must look like in lingerie .... I don't think I'll be able to hold my dinner down after thinking about it .... by the way, thanks to Chef Klaus at Smith and Wollensky for the wonderful comped sirloin!).
And that rug that you wear on your head sucks too.
You should look into getting hair plugs. Hair plugs and Botox have been lifesavers for me. I've been told that I look 25-30 years younger since I've gotten them.
Also, don't forget ... on my radio show, I'm going to be talking with my good friend, Tom Lemming, about the gonzo, stellar recruiting class that my good friend Charlie Weis is putting together at Notre Dame.
And I'm going to be doing an in store appearance at the Menard's Superstore in Mishawaka. I'll be signing autographs and posing for pictures, if anyone is interested.
I'll also be at the Michigan City Super Wal-Mart, where I'll be doing the same.
And, of course, thanks to my good friend, Chef Klaus, I'll be dining at Smith and Wollensky's steak house in Chicago just about every night this week. And next week. And the week after that.
And I'll be at Hugo's Frog Bar, Gibson's, Jilly's and Tavern on Rush doing what any red-blooded young man does .... scoping out and picking up the foxy ladies.
I no am surprise abou Bruce Levine. Many time I seen heem lookin a Jim Thome's, how you say, um .... package. Zhoo know, sometime I seen him look a MY aaah, how you say .... johnson, tambien.
Zhooo know wha I say abou Jay Mariotti two year ago? I say dee same thin abou Bru Levine.
I no can say dees word aqui, por que I get in los 'o trouble two year ago, know wha I mean? Buh I steel say eet abou Bru Levine becau he ees wha I say he ees, zhoo know.
My agent wan me to, I mean, I wahn to apologiz for wha I say abou Bru Levine. I not know wha dees word mean. In Venezuela, dat word mean sahmdeen differen. Eet jus mean sahm guy who, zhoo know, no ees ..... I not know.
I not know wha dees word mean in Ingles. I no speak Ingles, zhoo know, goo enough. So I not know wha I say when I say dat word.
Iss no my fault.
I wass meesquoted.
Okay?
There are a few things that I'd like to clear up, but before I do, let me say this: Ozzie, my friend, it's a good thing that you got out and apologized (even though it was a non-apology) before you got any flak for your comments about Bruce Levine. The whole Jay Mariotti controversy was an absolute fiasco for you and for the entire White Sox organization.
I firmly believe that you're 100% entitled to your opinion (and - privately - I agree with you). But you've got to be careful how you say things.
You can only pull the "me no speak English" gambit for so long.
Okay, on to the other items:
Some people have given me hell for criticizing Marv Albert's affinity for wearing ladies' underwear. People have pointed out that, as part of a bet that I lost, I had to walk down Michigan Avenue in nothing but a G-String. Well, I HAD to wear that damn thong because I lost a bet and, unlike one Michael Jeffrey Jordan, I don't Welch on my bets.
The difference is, Marv wears ladies' undergarments because he wants to. He's a kinky pervert. I, on the other hand, was FORCED to humiliate myself by wearing that damn thing on Michigan Ave (and boy was that an eye opener ... I needed a tummy tuck and an ass-lift in the worst way, and the entire Gold Coast got to see every inch of my saggy, flabby body).
On a side note, as you may have heard on Chicago radio today, I recently had silicone injections performed on my keister. That'll help with the sagging problem big time ... but it hurts like hell to sit down. In fact, I've had to have my good friend Chef Klaus' magnificent surf and turf delivered to my home because I can't actually sit down in Smith and Wollensky's.
Another thing: my ever-present girlfriend has told me that I have to clear up my previous suggestion that I like to pick up the young foxes at Rush Street establishments. The truth is, the days of "sewing my wild oats" are in the same place as my silicone injected tookus ... behind me.
Believe me, my girlfriend doesn't let me out of her sight for a second. I may be a Rush Street legend, but I'm officially retired from "playing the field."
Hey, I'm just lucky that such a hot, foxy, intelligent lady is willing to put up with me. Believe me, I don't want to piss her off, lest she come to her senses and dump my silicone injected ass.
One more thing: where the hell is Notre Dame in the AP Top 25? The Irish aren't even in the "others receiving votes" group.
Look, Mike Brey's team has guts. I don't care what happened at Georgetown, I don't care if the entire East Coast/Big East basketball establishment thinks Mike Brey's Irish squad is soft. These guys can play. Harangody is a beast. The gutsy little Irishman from Staten Island is the very definition of a gamer (when he's not too stoned to play).
Tell the East Coast scribes to show the Irish some "love," as the kids say these days.
I agree about Notre Dame, Goddamnit!
Hey, dat Harangody kid looks like a fuckin' bigfoot or somedin' .... but dat big goon can play his ass off.
And the little Irish Point Guard, MacAlarney, shit ... I love dat little mutherfucker. Dat kid's got the fire! He don't give a reat's eass about nothin'! He just goes out dere an lights yer eass up!
Screw dem writerz.
I'll tell ya, my good friend Charlie Weis could probably use Luke Harangody as a tight end next year. He's really going to miss having the big guy, Carlson, to throw to over the middle.
But Jimmy Claussen is going to be a much improved Quarterback in his Sophomore campaign.
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