Monday, December 29, 2008

A Serious Playa!

Through the ages, man has been bedeviled by several compelling, but unanswered questions. Since the beginning of recorded history, the greatest minds on the planet have pondered what one might call the eternal questions:

Who/what created the stars, moon and sun? Is there a god? If so, how many gods are there? Which god is the true god? Which religion is the true religion? Is there an afterlife? If so, what is the nature of the afterlife? How does one gain admittance to Heaven? How does one stay the hell out of Hell? How does God/the gods want us to live? What is just? How can we live
justly? What constitutes a meaningful/just life? What constitutes righteousness? How can we lead righteous lives? Which system of government is best? What should the purpose/calling of government be? What should government seek to achieve? Monarchy vs. democracy. Dictatorship vs. democracy. Democratic capitalism vs. fascism. Capitalism vs. Marxism. American-style free market democratic capitalism vs. Western European-style socialist-lite democratic quasi-capitalism. Small government vs. big government. What is the meaning of life? Etc. ...

But throughout all of human history, perhaps no question has befuddled man as much as the following eternal question: "How do you pick up girls?"

I won't attempt to answer that question in this forum. Although, maybe I should: teaching guys how to talk to and pick up girls has become a booming industry. Books like Neil Strauss' "The Game" have gone from being cult hits to becoming near-staples in the libraries of young men the world around (Shakespeare's Sonnets "The Game" is not, but hey, at least guys are reading something). And various pick up gurus (more here and here) have become wealthy by selling books, DVD's, and by hosting seminars which purport to teach the secrets of picking up girls (after looking at that Ross Jeffries guy's picture, I've got to admit: if that guy can get play, then maybe there really is something to his methods after all; maybe guys really should shell out their hard-earned Benjamins to gain access to his pick up secrets). What's more, the popular Vh1 television show "The Pick Up Artist" has helped to push the pick up subculture from the underground into the mainstream.

One thing's for certain, though: I doubt that the answer to the eternal question "how do you pick up girls" would be to take a video camera to the mall, approach every girl who catches your eye, film them as you hit on them (making sure that the camera pays special attention to their backsides -- especially as they walk), address them by saying "aayy baybay," determine their names by asking "what yo name iz, baybay?," marvel aloud at their their sexy bodies as you instruct them to exchange contact information with you (and verify that they are, indeed, at least sixteen years of age -- i.e., "Hell naw: girl, yo body too damn sexy for you ta jus be sixteen; look at dat sexssay booty!: yo azz gotz to be at least seventeen), and demand that they show you around the town later that night (after all, you're visiting town from da "A.T.L.," and you need a "sexxssay, sexxssay young thang" to "show you some thangz") . . . to be topped off with a nightcap.

But that's exactly what this guy did.


Damn. YouTube has removed the linked video, due to a "terms of use violation." I hope people got to see the video while it was still up. My description of the guy's pick up techniques don't do the video justice, though they are accurate. The video is pure comedic genius, although the guy who made the video wasn't joking; he actually thought he was being a "true playa" by utilizing the pick up methods I described (in addition to many more).

Maybe the "Real Ni**a Tube" and "Booty Cam" screen logos in the video didn't pass Google/YouTube's filters for offensive language. Maybe the video's title, "Booty Cam@Mall! Window Shoppin Hoez Homegrown" didn't escape the filters either. Maybe the fact that the guy didn't obtain a waiver from the girls before filming them and uploading video of their reactions on YouTube was a factor. Maybe the fact that some of the girls who he approached were, in fact, underage factored in too (the Lothario who made the video was, at a minimum, in his twenties).

Who knows what the exact violation of Google/YouTube's terms of use was. All I know is that the "True Ni**a Tube" booty cam video was one of the craziest things I've seen in a long time . . . especially because it was real. The guy in the video was ridiculous, but he was being sincere. He really thought he was being a serious playa.

The video was completely -- and perhaps, appallingly -- inappropriate. It deserved to be taken down. But it was funny as hell.

Oh well. Here's a screen shot of the video:

The girl's reaction to the guy's suggestion that they go back to his place is classic, as can be seen in the screen shot. She did agree to call "Real Ni**a's" phone from her phone though, thereby giving him her phone number (not that she ever has to actually take his call).

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