Sunday, August 10, 2008

What Would President Clinton Have Done?

On Saturday, President Bush met with American Olympians in Beijing. Typically, when a President or similarly prominent politician meets with athletes, it's for one reason -- the photo-op value of posing with popular, successful athletes is considered political gold (although I'm not convinced that it usually translates into increased public support for the politician).

But when President Bush yukked it up with the women's beach volleyball team yesterday, it was not your run of the mill photo-op:

Explanation here:

"Bush knuckled off a couple of lobs, but defending gold medalists Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh gave the chief executive some pointers. Then after a good play, in the tradition of female volleyballers, May-Treanor turned, bent over slightly and offered her bikinied rear-end for the 43rd president to slap. 'Mr. President,' she said, 'want to?' Want to has nothing to do with it in public life."

Also: President Bush going in for the classic "kiss close." President Bush may have attempted to execute a kiss close, but he has nothing on his predecessor, President Clinton. President Clinton was known for his frequent use of the uncommon "f**k me b**ch, I'm the damn President of the United States" close. Under normal circumstances, the "kiss close" would be considered an advanced pick up artist move. But compared to the "fu** me bi**h, I'm the damn President of the United States" close, the "kiss close" looks only slightly better than the commonly used (by average Joes) "Paris close" (i.e., "One of the best experiences of my life came when I was dining at this wonderful little, out of the way, outdoor bistro in Paris. I was drinking wine and watching the Parisian sun set over the Eiffel Tower ... it was, you know, an almost perfect moment. The only thing that would've made it better is if YOU had been there to share the moment).


R. Kelly said...

I usually go for the "come here little girl, I got some candy" close.

Senator Larry Craig said...

Personally, I like to go with the old "toe tapping while sitting on the crapper in a restroom stall" close when I'm looking for anonymous gay sex in mens rooms.

the church dad said...

Kudos to President Bush for resisting temptation and practicing abstinence in that situation. Satan was whispering in Bush's ear, saying: "Go ahead, slap her ass .... no, forget that. Just grab her ass. Pull that bikini bottom down and have at it ..... What are you waiting for? What, are you a scared little pussy? Go for it, Go for it!!! Go get dat azz!!!!!"

But the President couldn't be corrupted by the taunting of Beelzebub. So my hat's off to him.

Digga Dig said...

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cedar falls hawk(eye) said...

whats wrong with the paris close? i always use that when i m down in the bars in iowa city. thats prolly my best line.

Have Jumpshot Will Travel (a.k.a. Trashtalk Superstar) said...

Cedar Falls Hawk,

The "Paris Close" may work in Iowa City bars, but how well did it work for you when you were living over here in Naperville?

How well did the old "Paris Close" work for you in the bar/club scene in Chicago?

I remember how much trouble you had gaming what you referred to as those "big city chicks."

Dr. Rockso said...

I don't know what President Clinton would have done, but I know what I would have done .... I would have done cocaaaiiine off her ass.

I do cocaaaaiiiine!

Dr. Rockso said...

Hey maan, back in the 70's & 80's, I used to get lots of girls. And I always had girls in bikinis in my music videos -- off camera, I used to snort blow off their tits and asses.

I don't get girls anymore, but I still do cocaine. Seriously, lots of cocaine.

I'm the rock n' roll clown. I do cocaaiine.