Monday, May 7, 2012

A Date Which Will Live in Infamy

Today marks the tenth anniversary of an event that forever lives in infamy.  We're referring, of course, to Allen Iverson's infamous 2002 meltdown over the question of whether or not he was exerting enough effort in practice (practice!?!).  

Just one year removed from having led his 76ers to the NBA Finals and being awarded the NBA's Most Valuable Player award, Iverson and the Sixers were knocked out of the playoffs in the first round by the then-unheralded Boston Celtics.  When asked about then-coach Larry Brown's suggestion that he hadn't taken taken practice seriously enough throughout the 2001-'02 season, Iverson lashed out at his questioner with a ... uh ... philosophical tirade against the merits of exerting oneself in practice. 

(Video: ESPN)
Iverson: "Iz easy to sum it up when you just talk about practice. We sittin' in here, I supposed to be the franchise player, and we talkin' about practice. I mean, it, listen, we talkin' about practice, not a game, not a game, not a game, we talkin' about practice. Not a game. Not a ... not a... not da game dat I go out dere and die for and play every game last itz my last. Not da game, we talkin' about practice man..."

Over the past decade, that tirade has become the stuff of legend.

In the category of sports tirades that center on one word which begins with the letter "P," Iverson's "practice!?!" tirade ranks second only to former Indianapolis Colts head coach Jim Mora's "playoffs!?!" tirade.  And with Mora's aforementioned "playoffs!?!" tirade and Dennis Green's "the Bears are who we thought they were!" tirade, Iverson's "practice!?!" tirade comprises one third of the Holy Trinity of 21st Century sports meltdowns.

Of course, Mora, Iverson and Dennis Green have nothing on former Chicago Cubs' manager Lee Elia, whose infamous 1983 post game meltdown still occupies its own wing of the Pantheon of post-game meltdowns.

And although it doesn't count as a post game meltdown, former Baltimore Orioles' manager Earl Weaver's legendary 1970s era rant on his Manager's Corner segment of the Orioles' pre-game show still ranks as, perhaps, the most colorful sports tirade of all time (¡Cuidado!: audio = "NSFW"). 

Compared with Elia's and Weaver's tirades, Ted Nugent's recent, much-hyped rant on the CBS news comes off as pretty weak sauce. 


We've heard from some readers who objected to the absence of former Indiana basketball coach Bob Knight's infamous 1993 warning to his Hoosier team about the perils of losing to Purdue (NSFW, of course).  We didn't include Knight's tirade because it was a closed-door speech given to a team that Coach Knight believed to be under-performing (and because the speech was secretly recorded by somebody with a mini-recorder!), rather than an interview given to the media for consumption by the public.  Knight didn't know that there was a tape recorder in the room; his team was the only intended audience for the speech.

The other tirades in this post all occurred during interviews given to media by the ranting athlete or coach.  Knight's tirade wasn't supposed to be heard by anyone but his team.  For that reason, it shouldn't be classified as a "meltdown."  It was, instead, a motivational speech.  And an effective one at that.

For that reason (and a few others) Knight's rant should probably be designated as the "Official" Drive and Dish basketball motivational speech (it's certainly our favorite).


Popcorn Andy said...

Popcorn Andy here from the Popcorn Andy and Brine Shrimp Chris Morning Zoo right here on Steubenville's rock, K-Rock 97.3. We just wrapped up today's show, so that means that Brine Shrimp Chris has to go back in his straightjacket until we take him out for tomorrow's show. Hey, don't ask too many questions. It's for his own good.

Anhyoo, we had a great show today, just like we do every morning here on K-Rock 97.3. But today's show was really BIG ...... we talked to Park Overall who played Nurse Lavergne Higby Todd Kane on the NBC sitcom Empty Nest. I always loved that show!!! And we chatted with Gary Johnson, the dude who's the Libertarian Party nominee for president. Hey, the guy's for legalizing weed and prostitution!!! Somebody make sure Brine Shrimp's straightjacket is fastened good and tight, otherwise he'll probably get so excited that he's liable to hurt somebody....maybe even himself!!!

We were also joined in-studio by Slow Ride, northeast Ohio's premier Foghat tribute band. Those guys rocked out!

We'll be talking to more exciting guests tomorrow on the Popcorn Andy and Brine Shrimp Chris Morning Zoo, so join us then, and weekday every morning, from 5:00 to 9:00 AM ... right here on Steubenville's rock, K-Rock 97.3.

And don't forget that you can download highlights from today's show -- and all our other shows -- on podcast from the K-Rock 97.3 website. That way you can listen to the Popcorn Andy and Brine Shrimp Chris Morning Zoo whenever and wherever you want!!!

Rock on!!!!!

Brine Shrimp Chris said...

Hey everybody!!!!! It's Brine Shrimp Chris from the Popcorn Andy and Brine Shrimp Chris Morning Zoo on K-Rock 97.3!!!! We're live and on the air right now. And lemme tell ya, it's been a rough morning. I had a loong nite out on the prowl last night, and have I got stories to tell!!!!! Problem is, I don't think I can tell any of em on the air!!!! Yeaaaahhh!!! Yowza!!!!

Hey, guess what, when we get back from the break, we'll be joined by Rick Rockwell. Remember him? He was the multi-millionaire bachelor on the first episode of TV's "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" We'll catch up with him and find out how his marriage to fellow contestant Darva Conger turned out.

And then the boys will be back in studio from Jailbreak, Northern Ohio's premier Thin Lizzy tribute band. They've been playing us in and out of our breaks all morning, and they'll be jamming live and in the studio one more time before we go off air!!!!

So stay tuned for all that and much more on the Popcorn Andy and Brine Shrimp Morning Zoo, right here on Steubenville's rock, K-Rock, 97.3!!!!

Oh, and don't forget to download highlights of yesterday's show on podcast from the K-Rock website!!!!

And now back to the INSANITY!!!!!! Right here on the Popcorn Andy and Brine Shrimp Chris MORNING ZOO, maan!!!!!!!!1

i can't get enuff said...

Parlay Larry is gay!

Muffin Top Matt said...

I'm sitting here stewing in my own depressed juices. It's almost the middle of May, summer's just around the corner (I mean, like only a few weeks away), I've got this big ol muffin top that pours out over my belt and keeps me from wearing skinny jeans, and I can't work out because I got hurt at the gym when I started my workout program a couple weeks ago and have to hobble around on crutches with this big ankle boot on.

I'm like, seriously depressed because I'm nowhere near being in beach-ready shape, I've been single since my ex dumped me almost 2 months ago, I'm in a big-time funk, and, oh yea, my life sucks ass.

My whole plan was to get all buffed up for summer so I could go to the beach and swoop up hotties like a big time playa. I've been obsessively reading and studying Pick Up Artist (PUA) websites since my ex, Ali, dumped me on March 29. Well, technically, she didn't exactly "dump" me. She just said that she needed to "take a break" and be "just friends" for a while while she moved to a new city to start her new job. I was totally cool with that at first (well, not really, but what choice did I have), but after she hadn't returned my calls, texts, facebook messages and voicemails for 4 days (247 of them combined, but who's counting), I started to get suspicious. I mean, if she really did just want to take a "break," 4 days should've been plenty long enough.

She at least would've gotten back to me by day 5.

So ever since then, my whole plan has been to hit the beach this summer and swoop up all the single laydays. I figured that eventually, word would get back to Ali, and once she realized how much fun I was having, she'd be so jealous, she'd come running back to me and jump back into my (newly ripped up) arms.

But now I'm stuck here in this ankle boot and crutches, and instead of getting rid of this friggin muffin top, I'm sitting on my ass eating pizza and potato chips and reading "" and "Ask Prudence" every night to figure out how to get my groove back. Well, that and finishing up the treatise I've been penning for one of the Star Wars fan sites I belong to on the broader cultural implications of whether Han Solo or Greedo fired first (and whether or not Han fired in cold blood). But thanks to that little "accident" I had on the treadmill when I first started working out a few weeks back, I can't do anything to get rid of this damn muffin top. So its' getting bigger, squishier, more "muffiny" and more "toppy."

And if that isn't bad enuff, I've been getting blown out by every girl I try to chat up ...... whether it's on facebook, on twitter, in bars, on the street, on the subway, in the laundromat, at Starbucks and Caribou, or in the produce sections of Trader Joe's and Whole Foods. Even worse, I've been getting hella blown out on and Plenty of Fish. I've even been getting rejected when I try to win girls over in the comments sections at Jezebel and the Frisky. I'm almost at the point of saying "F**k it" and signing up for eHarmony.

It's like all of the sudden, I'm totally repulsive to hot girls.....and to cute-ish girls....and to average-ish girls...and to "Plain Janes"...and cougars....and chubbies (hey, I'm packing a few extra pounds myself and I've never minded plus-sized girls)...and to ..... hell, to ALL girls.

Dude, this blows. I want Ali back in the worst way. I'd do anything to get her to take me back.


Are you listening down there, Mr. Devil?

Muffin Top Matt said...

Look, I just don't get it. I never had problems getting chixx before. I mean, I always did just fine. Ali and me were together all through college and for my first two years of law school. And now suddenly, out of the blue, I can't even get fat ugly babes to so much as make eye contact with me.

It's frustrating. It's like I turned into a nebbish overnight. I feel like I'm George Costanza or something.

Not to get all philosophical or anything, but I've got to try and be honest with myself. I mean, maybe I got a little complacent after all those years of having Ali as a security blanket. I guess 7 years (5 undergrad and 2 post grad) of nestling your head in the safety of one girl's bosom -- especially a girl as awesome and as amazing and as cool as Ali!!!! -- will wreak havoc on your raw animal magnetism and turn you into a soft little girly man.

Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to spit mad Playya~Pick Up Artist game at the hotties. And for that matter, even to spit game at the cuties....and to the average chix....and to the "plain Janes"......and the fuglies....and the fatties....and the cougars.

That's the only thing I can think of to explain it. I mean, I tried to strike up a convo with a damn fat girl the other night in a bar, and she shot me down before I could even so much as get a friggin opening line out. I thought my crutches and ankle boot would be a surefire way to get the sympathy vote, but no. Then when I was in line at Walgreens the next day and the chixx ahead of me were talking about the show "Girls" from HBO, I tried to chat the chubby, plain one up by asking her if she thought Hannah's boyfriend Adam was really a beta male, or a lesser alpha male. But they just looked at me with disdain and didn't even bother to respond.

Maybe they got turned off when they saw that I was buying Preparation H and baby wipes. But that was about the 24th time I got the cold shoulder from some chick (hot, plain or ugly) last week. So I'm feeling like a big time shlub.

But yea, I really want Ali back. And I feel like, at some point, she's gotta come back to me.... Especially when she sees what a total kick ass alpha male I turn myself into.

Muffin Top Matt said...

But wanna know what really suxxx??? It was Cinco de Mayo last Saturday, and I had to endure the hardship of hearing all the boozed-up madness and revelry that was going on in the bars across the street from my crappy little apartment, as one of the biggest party days of the year fell on a weekend, and I was stuck here in this tiny walk-in-closet of an apartment, sitting home with my crutches and ankle boot ..... without a girlfriend, without a date, without any decent prospects ..... hell .... without any prospects at all (decent or otherwise).

That's right, I was stuck here all alone, depressed over getting dumped by Ali after 7 years together and over being single while all those hot girls (who prolly wouldn't even so much as have given me the time of day) had so much fun in the bars across the street, while I watched my muffin top and double chin grow as I stuffed my face with Papa John's (pizza delivery is a life saver when you're on crutches), drowned my sorrows in Milwaukee's Best and Natty Lite, and read Tucker Max brag about all the hot chixx he hooks up with and about his awesome life in his book, "Assholes Finish First."

That's a tough pill to swallow, especially since Cinco de Mayo brings back bitter memories of the Cinco de Mayo a couple years back when Ali said she wanted to "slow things down" after I got on a plane and showed up at her workplace (she was doing a semester-long internship in Washington, DC) and surprised her in front of all her coworkers by proposing on bended knee, dressed as a giant gorilla, wearing a sombrero and playing a ukelele, with a mariachi band backing me up as I serenaded her with a rendition of "Bamboleo," all while a local news crew from my college town was was rolling the cameras so that they could air a segment about my little romantic escapade on the 11:00 o'clock news.

Gawd, was that embarrassing.

Especially after it ran on the 11:00 o'clock news and everybody in town knew that that Ali felt like she needed "some room to breathe" and wanted to "take it a little slower" with me.

I had to walk around campus with egg all over my face....and all over my double chin.....and all over my neck (well, what parts of my neck weren't covered up by my double chin).....and my shoulders.....and my chest......and my muffin top.

Its a good thing I graduated two weeks later and started law school in the Fall. I was such a laughingstock on campus that if I'd returned as an undergrad, I don't think my fraternity would've let me live in the house anymore.

Ali and me went thru a lot together, and I feel like that drew us closer together. I know I sure went thru hell and back for her. And she knows it. That's why, at the end of the day, I gotta believe she comes back to me. Well, eventually.

One thing I know for sure.....I'll wait for her.

Muffin Top Matt said...

I stuck it out with Ali through thick and thin because I knew all along that she's The ONE ..... the ONLY one! So I brushed off my pride and did whatever it took, because I was loyal to the girl.......even though it meant backing off and slowing things down as much as she felt like she needed me to (so that she didn't feel creeped out, or uncomfortable).

It was a rough stretch there for a while, but I feel like we got a lot closer after she packed on all that weight in grad school.

I gave that girl everything I had for the best 6 years of my life. And we had something special. Really special. That's why I feel like she owes it to me to give me another chance......especially if I get all buff and turn into an alpha male chick magnet this summer.

I mean, how can the girl just turn her back on me and walk out of my life for good, especially after I was so patient and cool about it when she cheated on me and hooked up with that Visiting Lecturer she had for her "Journalism 318: Speaking Truth to Power Through Constructing Nonfiction Narratives" class -- the guy was a former Esquire and Spin Magazine assistant editor who smoked weed and did shrooms with his students (hey, you can hardly blame the girl, I heard that all the girls in that class went crazy for him when he told his stories about smoking cocajuana blunts and Thai sticks with Tupac, Dre and Snoop Dogg in the 90's, and drinking absinthe and grain alcohol backstage with Metallica, and going on colon cleansing sessions with Chris Martin from Coldplay, and when he showed them the contacts list on his phone and it had Dave Grohl's number, Wyclef Jean's number, some guy from She Wants Revenge's number and Brandon Flowers from the Killers's number in there) ..... or when she hooked up with that Criminal Justice professor who she met when the Visiting Journalism Lecturer she was hooking up with let her hang out in the faculty lounge (hey, Ali loves all the "CSI" shows -- how was she supposed to resist a smooth talking Criminal Justice professor when he sweet talked her with his forensic pathology stories!?!?!?)....... and that time when she hooked up with that cocky, alpha male trader she met in that bar in Manhattan (I mean, she said she was drunk, so it didn't count) ...... and when she hooked up with that minor league baseball player who knocked around class AAA ball for 5 years.....and when she hooked up with that guy who always gives her extra espresso shots for free when he makes her espressos and lattes at the Starbucks she always goes to.......and when she hooked up with that alpha male personal trainer she met at her gym ...... and when she hooked up with that skinny hipster guy with the beard who wears the horned-rim glasses and plays the ukelele in that weird indie rock band (why do you think I serenaded her with a ukelele when I tried to propose to her???? I knew that the girl must really dig a guy who can play the ukelele!!!) ..... or when she hooked up with those guys from Carmello Anthony's entourage who she met when she was hanging out in his hotel room after the NBA All Star Game.

Anonymous said...


Fat Sal said...

Hey, this Muffin Top Matt sounds like a real fcukin chumbolone. Does da guy even have a pair??? I'll bet Da guy sits down to piss. What a fukkin femminuccia!!! Dis guy wouldn't last a minute at Grand and Harlem or in Elmwood Park. I'll bet da guy lives in Wrigleyville ...... and prolly closer to Halsted than to Clark, if ya know what I mean.

What a fcukin frocio!!!

Hey muffin top matt, go and get yourself a fu*kin pair. Get back to me when your fukcin balls drop, you fcukin pussy.

Anonymous said...

dude, this blog looks like a chick wrote it.


Pig Sooie said...

woooooooooo Arkansas!! wooooooooooooo ARKANSAS Razorbacks wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Greg Packer said...

I was there for all of these meltdowns. I'm a big fan of football and basketball. I go to as many games as I can.

Muffin Top Matt said...

Yeah, this really sucks. I'm clerking this summer at a firm that has a lot of hot chixx. But I feel like such a pathetic wuss when I come hobbling into the office and lumber past the hottys on my crutches, with my ankle boot and with my muffin top and manboobs jiggling. I know all the alpha male lawyers in the office are laughing at me when I'm not around. I just feel so impotent and inferior. Worse yet, there's nothing I can do about it, since it's not like I can go to the gym and work out to get rid of this muffin top and these man boobs.

And summer beach season is getting closer by the day.

I've been single since March 29, when my ex left for a new job and decided she needed to take some time off from our relationship. And see, the thing is, since I've been away at law school for the last two years, I only got to see Ali (my ex) in person when school was on break and in the summer.

Since I've gotten shot down by every girl I've approached since I've been single, it's been a while since I've .... you know ..... gotten any. But what's worse is, since I didn't really see Ali that much during law school, the last time I got any ass was .... well, a while ago.

We "long distance dated" all through college and for my first 2 years of law school, but Ali had cut me off a year or two ago. So it's been a while since, know.

That's why I need to get all buffed up and get transformed into an alpha male. I need to start banging crap loads of hot chixx so that Ali will get jealous and take me back.

I feel like she owes me that much after all the time we spent together over the years. I invested so much of myself into her for so long......she's gotta feel some kind of loyalty. I mean, I could of broken up with her at any time, but I stuck it out with her and stayed loyal even after she cheated on me and hooked up with that Art History PhD. candidate who was working on that weird dissertation on how mid 20th Century Parisian Cafe culture was impacted by the cumulative effects of Cubism and Surrealism as rebuttals to Early Renaissance Art ...... and when she hooked up with that freshman pledge from my fraternity who drove that sick BMW 3 series convertible...... and when she hooked up with that tattoo artist with the cuffs on his arms, the black widow web tattoo on his neck and the stretched earlobes who works in that tattoo parlor where she and her drunk girlfriends went to get ankle tattoos at 4:00 in the morning after a long night out in Atlantic city.....and when she hooked up with those two meatheads from the Johns Hopkins lacrosse team that she sat next to when she flew to to Baltimore (instead of straight to DC) on a Southwest flight from Long Island-Islip to BWI.......and that Star Wars fanboy she met at Comic Con who was dressed up as Admiral Ackbar (gotta admit, that one kinda hurt!!)......that music geek/aspiring music critic who writes that indie rock blog on blogspot and lives in a 1 room apartment above the used record store that only sells vinyl records....... or those dudes from John Legend's entourage who she met backstage at that Usher show.

Muffin Top Matt said...

I mean, I read The Game when I was in college, and I've been reading Pick Up Artist websites since Ali dumped me, but I haven't learned Game yet. I read every night, but I still can't pick up the girlies. I don't get it. I must have this big "L" on my forehead or something.....although it could be my crutches.

Chixx don't dig guys on crutches.

I thought the crutches might get me the sympathy vote. But nope. Nada.

It's gonna be tough, but I'VE GOT TO GET BUFFED UP and learn game, so I can swoop up madd hottys and make Ali wish she never dumped me and crushed my soul.

After all, she should feel loyal to me......especially since I was so cool about it when she stepped out and cheated on me with that cocky asshole law school classmate of mine.......and with that bouncer from that trendy bar on the Lower East Side that she likes to go to......and with that big, chunky Latin gang banger named Crazy Julio who she buys weed from sometimes....and with the Winklevoss twins......and with that weird guy who writes that weird blog about Bigfoot, conspiracy theories, UFO's, alien abductions and chupacabra's (gotta admit, that one REALLY hurt!!)........and with that anarchist protester who never showers or wipes his butt and who wears the white boy dreadlocks and who spent the Fall and Winter camping out in Zuccotti Park.....or with that skinny hipster who's only like 23, but who wears the horned rim glasses like Buddy Holly and has a long beard like the guys from ZZ Top, and who owns that trendy little place in Greenpoint where he makes artisanal scones and cheese and sells the scones for $15 bucks a pop (WTF!!!)......or with the new drummer from the band Placebo.......or with that stagehand at the Silversun Pickups show she went to last year.......or that alpha male bartender from the VIP room at Pacha who looks like Ryan Reynolds.......or with those guys from the Notre Dame football team that she got drunk with on spring break in Mexico.......or with that cocky asshole from the Air Force who was training to be an F16 pilot........or with that bass player from Jailbreak, Northern Ohio's premier Thin Lizzy tribute band, that she met at their show in that dive bar when she went out to Ohio to visit her friend at Oberlin.......or when she performed oral on Jonathan Franzen in the men's room at the Brooklyn Book Festival......or when she hooked up with those guys from Lil John's entourage when she was backstage at that Ludacris show.

drunk idiot said...

haha!!! playaz gettin bent at thiz graduation party over here in Delevan. shawteez iz lookin fiine in there bikini topz and booty shortz, drinkin da goose and playin sand volleyball. me and my boyz settin back and watchin all dem tig ol bitties bouncin up and down on dat volleyball sand. gonna keep drinkin theeze mickey's big mouth's and gettin funked up. gonna go out to Janesville tonite to cruze da strip and swoop up hotteys outside da olive garden. lol.

thatz how we do, kidd!!!

playaz gonna play. haha.

Anonymous said...

i have an unusually hairy ass crack.

maybe its time to start getting it waxed.

Anonymous said...

my chest and back are super hairy too. i found a dead mouse and an ant colony in my chest hair tonight.

i'm thinking maybe i need to start 'manscaping.'