Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Eve Scouting Report on Santa, 2010 Edition

It has become a Drive and Dish tradition to write a scouting report on Santa Claus every Christmas Eve. Just as millions of people around the world spend Christmas Eve tending to time-honored practices like having dinner with family, watching "A Christmas Story," attending midnight Christmas services, and staying up late in hope of catching a glimpse of Santa coming down the chimney, Drive and Dish faithfully publishes our Santa scouting report every December 24th. Unfortunately, if this year and last are any indication, it's also becoming something of a Drive and Dish tradition to be too crunched for time to write out a fresh in-depth scouting report every year, and to instead offer a two or three paragraph long update before linking to our 2008 scouting report. But we can get away with it in the case of Santa Claus, because everybody already knows all about Santa's game. Think about it: Do coaches have to write new scouting reports on Kobe Bryant or Dwyane Wade every year? Did they have to write new scouting reports on Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson and Larry Bird every year? Of course not! All-world superstars are pretty easy to scout -- when you're as great as all those guys, the whole world knows your game inside and out. More importantly, they know that you're the man, and that nobody is likely to stop you.

Scouting Santa isn't really much different. What's left to say that the whole world doesn't already know? Santa is old and fat, but he can still get off the ground with the best of them (thanks to his sleigh and reindeer). And since he's still able to traverse the entire globe in the course of a mere evening, it's safe to say that age and girth haven't cost him so much as a step of his much-hyped other-worldly quickness. His famous range is still there too -- from his North Pole home-base, he somehow manages to drop presents into homes on every continent. And the jolly old elf still dishes out more assists than anyone else ... if you need proof, just take a look at the goodies he dropped off under your Christmas tree, or in the stockings hanging on your mantle!

Like Grant Hill, Santa has been doing what he does for ages, but he just keeps on getting it done year after year. What Santa plans to do tonight is no great secret; he's been doing his thing for years, and he'll almost certainly be successful in doing it again this year. But those who crave more of our award-winning insight into Santa's game can read our in-depth scouting report on Santa here.

For those looking for a history of St. Nicholas, the above link (our 2008 scouting report) contains several links to historical information on St. Nick. Our 2007 scouting report took license with the history of St. Nicholas and developed a narrative that followed the man through his transformation from church father, saint and Bishop of Myra to "man-myth-legend" of European and American St. Nick/Father Christmas//Sinterklaas traditions. Finally, this 2009 book documents the historical St. Nicholas through his transformation from Bishop of Myra to Santa Claus.

Oh, and as Santa will, no doubt, say again tonight,

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!


Santa's Little Helper said...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

drunk idiot said...

GIT UR DRINK ON......SON!!!!!!!!!! YESSIR!!!!!!!!! HAHAHA!!!!!!! LOLZOLZ!!!!!!!!!

Sister Therese said...

Dear Mr. Buckets and Mr. Trashtalk Superstar,

I wish you all the holiday glee and lots of good eggnog. May you find your happiness under the light of our Father.

I write to you under great concern for some of the young children writing on your website walls. They seem to be spending too much time on their Ataris and not making snowmen like we used to as children. I worry that the guiding light of Jesus is not with your basketball children. In the spirit of the holidays, I will drive our church van to you and your children and will sing Christmas carols together until we make it to the church for a retreat and some hot coco. All children need to have their Guardians sign a release form.

Wishing you a warm holiday season,

Sister Therese